The Encabulator

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Retro (or Turbo) Encabulator: quite simply, the greatest invention of all time. (And certainly one of the best industry inside jokes ever. Scroll down for the full text version!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And, as a special bonus, the actual copy:

Here at Rockwell Automation’s world headquarters, research has been proceeding to develop a line of automation products that establishes new standards for quality, technological leadership and operating excellence. With customer success as our primary focus, work has been proceeding on the crudely conceived idea of an instrument that would not only provide inverse reactive current, for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal grammeters.

Such an instrument comprised of Dodge gears and bearings, Reliance Electric motors, Allen-Bradley controls, and all monitored by Rockwell Software is: Rockwell Automation’s ‘Retro-Encabulator’. Now, basically the only new principle involved is that instead of power being generated by the relative motion of conductors and fluxes, it’s produced by the modial interaction of magneto-reluctance and capacitive diractance.

The original machine had a base-plate of pre-fabulated amulite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings were in a direct line with the panametric fan. The lineup consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzelvanes, so fitted to the ambifacient lunar wane shaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented. The main winding was of the normal lotus-o-deltoid type placed in panendermic semi-boloid slots of the stator, every seventh conductor being connected by a non-reversible tremie pipe to the differential girdlespring on the ‘up’ end of the grammeters.

Moreover, whenever fluorescence score motion is required, it may also be employed in conjunction with a drawn reciprocation dingle arm, to reduce sinusoidal depleneration. The ‘Retro-Encabulator’ has now reached a high level of development, and it’s being successfully used in the operation of milford-trenions.

It’s available soon; wherever Rockwell Automation products are sold.